"A Siberian Paradise" is a mission in Just Cause Я. It is the first mission in the game.
Script[]
*Several shots of Shrevigrad are shown, whilst traditional Russian music plays in the background.*
[Rico, offscreen][]
Impressive island, for a bunch of commies.
*Cut to Rico and Sheldon on a small boat, Rico is sitting in the back while Sheldon drives.*
[Sheldon][]
Yes, yes, very impressive. So here's what's going on.
You see, underground here, there is a load of this... thing... called Shrevirum. And that Shrevirum is EXACTLY what the Agency wants. Sadly, Old' Vinogradov over there isn't too fond of Uncle Sam; So What I need you to do here is go in there, stir up some REAL chaos, and get Vinogradov out of there. Got it?
[Rico][]
Sure. They don't call me "Dictator Removal Specialist" for no reason.
[Sheldon][]
That's the spirit, son. Now get your guns ready, Vinogradov's men have probably already seen us, and I bet they aren't too happy.
*Rico and Sheldon land onto the rocky coast, 2 Military cars park in front of them, and multiple armed soldiers come out.*
[Shrevigrad Soldier][]
Zzztop right there! We are of putting you under arrest!
*Gameplay starts and fighting erupts, Rico kills all of the soldiers.*
[Sheldon][]
Whoo, wee! Haven't done that in a while!
[Rico][]
Yes, yes, didn't you say before about a contact on this island we need to get to?
[Sheldon][]
Yes, right... Well that ain't gonna be the easiest thing now we're on their radar.
[Rico][]
It doesn't matter. Just get into the car and I'll drive there.
*Rico and Sheldon get into one of the Military vehicles. Rico starts driving.*
[Sheldon][]
So, you see here, ever since the Soviets exploded, this place has been a real civil-war-fest. And us here at the Agency don't truly know what's going on. "Vinogradov has Shrevirum Nukes", "The Presidentialists have Shrevirum Nukes", too much rumour.
[Rico][]
The "who" has "what", now?
[Sheldon][]
The Presidentialists. What they want is a "democracy". Which sounds good, until we realised that they didn't want us mingling with Shrevirum. We'll need those guys taken out, too, Rico.
...
Oh, yes, the Shrevirum Nukes. Well, you see, Shrevirum is quite strange in the way that it can "warp reality" or whatever I heard them whitecoats say. 'Parently it can warp you to "alternate realities".
What a load of horse-apples!
[Rico][]
I see.
[Sheldon][]
The contact is just around here, we should be clear to get out now.
*Rico and Sheldon jump out of the car, and head towards a small alleyway where there is a man waiting for them.*
[???][]
Agency sent you?
[Sheldon][]
Yup. Tom Sheldon here, and that's Rodriguez. (Points to Rico.)
[???][]
Good. I'm Mikhailovich. I've studied Shrevirum and I have a small underground lab just around here. Come.
*Rico and Sheldon follow Mikhailovich to a small bunker underneath a layer of rocks. There are multiple complex machines and a massive glass pod in the middle of the room.*
[Mikhailovich][]
This is Shrevirum Transporter 4. It uses Shrevirum Ore to connect machine to alternate realities using the current method of Electromagnetic fields and Co-
[Sheldon][]
Alright, Einstein, get to the point.
[Mikhailovich][]
Fine. If I put these rocks into here, something will come out. Issue is, I can't get anything specific unless I have already seen it appear from here.
[Rico][]
So, if you put those magical rocks into that tube, then something from an "alternate reality" will appear in that chamber?
[Mikhailovich][]
Yes. Like so. Be prepared, it is quite loud.
*Mikhailovich drops 3 glowing Shrevirum ores into a funnel, he then presses a button that makes a large purple vortex appear in the chamber. After around 5 seconds or so, an Imperator Bavarium Tank with the Medici bull on it appears in the chamber*
[Rico][]
Interesting... it even has the symbol of my home-country on it.
[Sheldon][]
What in the- did you just summon a tank?
[Mikhailovich][]
Hmm... Unexpected... but yes. I can do stuff like that, issue is, I can't be found grabbing Shrevirum, they'll kill me on sight. That's why I need you two.
[Sheldon][]
So what do you want, you magical tank-summoning commie?
[Mikhailovich][]
You give me Shrevirum Ore, I give you Weapons and Vehicles as so. Deal?
[Sheldon + Rico][]
Deal.
*A car can be heard pulling up to the underground base.*
[Sheldon][]
Well, I have to get out of here, Agency orders. Rico, Raise hell and give this guy his ores, he seems powerful.
*Sheldon Leaves*
[Mikhailovich][]
(Whispering) Finally, that Agency goon is gone.
Rico. I can give you improved Shrevirum Transporter. Fits in your pocket and lets you spawn anything registered in. Though. You must follow my orders, even if it goes against that idiotic Sheldon.
*Mikhailovich shows him the device.*
[Rico][]
...
Fine, But don't do anything stupid.
[Mikhailovich][]
Good.
*Mikhailovich gives Rico the Shrevirum Transporter.*
It needs just 1 Shrevirum Ore to spawn something registered, and 5 to get something that isn't. Do not worry, Shrevirum is all over these islands.
[Rico][]
I should be leaving now. Goodbye. (And thank you for that device.)
[Mikhailovich][]
I should be thanking you.
...
Welcome to this Siberian Paradise, Rico!